Shared Grief
by 10ismydoctor
Summary: Since Ianto's death, Jack has visited his grave every single day. This time, he finds out he is not alone there.


It had been two weeks, and Jack had visited him every single day. He always went there in the early morning, just as the sun was coming up. He couldn't sleep anyway, not after what he had done. When he closed his eyes, the faces of the people he lost kept hunting him. It didn't matter how many times Gwen told him he had saved millions of children. The price he had to pay was way too high.

So he went there, stood in front of that cold grey stone for a while, trying to prove to him that he was not forgetting him. He felt so lonely. He wished he was still there with him, telling him what he was supposed to do to get over all this pain. He could have made all this a bit better. There was this empty space in his life where he used to be, constantly by his side. He had become such a big presence in his life in the past years; not having him there felt like losing a part of his own body.

That morning, something was different than usual. Jack was not alone. There was a woman right in front of the grave, and even if Jack had never seen her before, he immediately knew who she was. The round face, the hair, but most of all the big, big eyes were very familiar to him: it was Ianto's sister.

He stood back, not wanting to disturb her and at the same time not wanting to be seen. After all, all he had in his life right now was time. But she turned around and saw him. Their eyes met for a moment, and Jack could tell she had immediately guessed who he was. She walked towards him while he just stood there, unsure.

"You're him."

Jack said nothing. She kept walking.

"You must be him. You're Ianto's boss, Jack."

"Yeah, that would be me."

She was close enough now to offer him her hand.

"I'm..."

"I know." Jack didn't let her finish. He took her and and shook it. "You're Rhiannon, right?"

"Yes." She smiled a heartbreaking, grieving smile. "I get why he liked you. You really are quite handsome."

Jack smiled back at her with the same sadness. "He said that?"

"He did." She sat down on the grass and Jack sat next to her. It felt strangely peaceful to be there with someone. She was once again the one breaking the silence.

"This is not exactly how I hoped to meet you."

"Yeah." Every word Jack tried to say kept getting blocked in his throat.

There was another moment of silence. They were both looking at the grave, a few feet away from them, mixed with all the others. She turned to look at him.

"You know, Jack, I think my brother really loved you."

Jack didn't look at her. He could feel the tears burning behind his eyes, and he didn't want to cry in front of a stranger.

"He didn't really tell me," she added, "but I could see it. He never talked much, but he wore every emotion on his face, since when he was a child. When he told me about you...I could see it. It was obvious. I remember thinking wow, my brother is in love." She wiped away a tear.

Now Jack wasn't holding back the tears any more. He couldn't look at her. Rhiannon put her hand over his and softly asked "Did you know he loved you?"

"Yes. Yes I did." He had always known. His mind went back to the moment Ianto said those words to him. They had burnt him like fire. What did Ianto get in exchange for all that love? Just death. If they had never met, he would still be alive right now.

"And how about you? Did you love him?"

He finally looked back at her. "Would that make any difference now?" His words were like ice, all his anger and grief crushing inside him. He just wanted to leave, to get as far away from there as possible. Away from her. Away from him. But she was still holding his hand.

"It would matter to me. I know almost nothing about the man my brother became. He left home a long ago and he cut me out of his life. At least I want to know if he was loved. So, did you love him?"

Jack knew that answer to that question. He had known it for such a long time, but the words had never been spoken, and now it was just too late. He lost his opportunity to tell him. He was gone and he would never know.

"I never told him." Hurt, regret. A pain in his chest that was making it hard for him to breathe.

"But you did." It wasn't a question any more.

"Yes I did. I loved him. I..." he couldn't say anything else, the knot on his throat stopping him once again.

She was crying now. She hold his hand even tighter. "I'm sure he knew."

And then Jack broke down. The tears started falling down, his chest was so heavy it was painful to breathe. He missed him. He missed him every second of every day. He missed waking up next to him, his voice, his face, his touch. He missed the person he became when he was with him. He needed him now more than ever. Why did he leave him so soon? There was still so much they had to see. He wanted to show him the stars someday. He wanted to hold him again. He just wanted to tell him that he loved him, that he truly loved him, and that he was sorry. He was so sorry.

She never let go of his hand. When he managed to talk again, it was to tell her something she really needed to know. "Your brother was a hero. He put his life at risk over and over to protect the world. He saved my ass a lot of times. And I need you to know this, because I'm not sure he did. I'm not sure he could actually see how amazing he was, how brave and strong. He was really incredible."

She nodded with a little smile. "Yeah, he was. When we were kids he used to protect me from bullies. One day he took my hand and escorted me to class. He had such a serious expression no one dared to make fun of me. He just stood there and said 'if you annoy my sister, you will have to deal with me. Are we clear?' He didn't even have to beat up anyone. That wasn't his stile. He just acted like a grown up and everyone respected him. No one made fun of me ever again."

Jack smiled back at her. "Yeah, that sounds like him. Direct, professional, efficient."

There was another moment of silence, just one more question lingering in the air, waiting to be spoken.

"Jack...were you there when..."

"Yes. I was with him...till the end." The memories of his cold lips were still hunting him at night.

"I'm glad he wasn't alone. I'm glad he was with someone who loved him."

They looked at each other with that look of understanding that only two grieving people can share.

The sun was now high in the sky. Jack finally got up. "I should probably go."

"Oh. Sure. Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"I am glad I got a chance to talk to you."

"Me too." It was the truth. He started walking away, then he remembered something. He turned around one more time. She was still sitting there. "By the way," she turned towards him, "he really loved you. He once told me you were a great sister. He was right."

And with that, he left.


End file.
